Butter Than Sex

The title speaks for itself. It’s like, if you took a cake, with all the works, and smashed it down into a perfect little buttery sugar cookie. Its bomb. Just follow the steps, and don’t cut corners. How could you disrespect a pastry like this?


Da’ Wet Ingredients:

 4 tbsp. REAL butter, none of that margarine bullshit

4 oz. full fat cream cheese

¾ cup granulated white sugar

¾ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 whole large egg

1 large egg yolk


Da’ Dry Ingredients:

1 ½ cup All Purpose Flour

1 teaspoon Baking Powder

Some Salt


On tha Side:

1/3 cup powdered sugar


1.     Firstly, you want to soften your butter and cream cheese. If your patient, just let it sit out at room temperature. If you literally cannot wait one more single second, than stick both down your pants. Just kidding, you can microwave them for a few seconds to soften them up.  (Although, the pants thing would work great too)

2.     Once softened, put both the cream cheese and the butter into a mixing bowl and whip the shit out of the both of them until its one pretty fluffy mess. Slowly add in the sugar and do the same thing.

3.     Now you want to add the whole egg, the yolk and the vanilla extract and whip that all together in the same bowl, and set aside. Try not to stick your fingers in at this point, probably not super healthy and it won’t taste as good as it does if you wait until the end.

4.     Get out another bowl a little smaller than your ego and combine together all of the dry ingredients.

5.     In three part increments, add the dry into the wet while beating at a slow pace. Otherwise all the flour is going to go everywhere and next thing you know you look like you’ve done four to five lines of a real good crack.

6.     This part is important, and I need you to focus. Once everything is all combined in the mixing bowl, cover it with plastic wrap and STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE FOR 30 MINUTES. Did you see that? If you don’t do this, and then come complaining your cookies didn’t come out, I will copy and paste this in my response to you.

7.     Preheat your oven to 325 degrees, line a baking sheet with parchment paper (foil won’t work, and neither will anything else, just follow the damn recipe)

8.     Put your powdered sugar into a shallow dish and once you have cooled the dough for thirty minutes take it out and scoop out 1 heaving tablespoon into the powdered sugar. Toss it around, and put it on the cookie sheet. Do this with as many cookies as you can get out of the batch. I got about 7.

9.     Bake at 325 degrees for 15 minutes and take them out. They shouldn’t be brown or anything, and if they still look a little wet that’s okay. Let them sit until they cool down and you’re good to go.


** I topped them with a little more powdered sugar, paprika and honey just to really raise the level of sugar in my blood, feel free to join me**