True Life: I have a Yeast Addiction

Hold on to your knickers. I’m raising the bar, high. You’re good though. You know why? These are delicious, and I know your appetite is larger than life itself, so set aside a day and crank these bad boys (or girls) out.


3 cups All Purpose Flour

1 tsp. Salt

½ cup White Granulated Sugar

9 grams Dry Activated Yeast

1 ¾ Whole Beaten Eggs

1 cup Straight up Water


½ pound Real Butter


1.     Alright, this is a doozy. All in all, it’ll take about 8 hours to get these doughnuts fried and eaten. Most of that time is them just sitting and living life while you stare with impatience.

2.     You’re going to want to gather the following: one large bowl, kitchen aid (or equivalent) with a dough hook attachment and one medium sized bowl.

3.     In your Kitchen Aid mixing bowl, combine everything but the butter. Leave the butter out at room temperature though to soften it as much as possible.

4.     Start to mix all of those ingredients on low to medium speed with the dough hook attachment until it forms a loose dough, or it starts to pull from the sides and clump together on the hook. At this point, you can start adding the butter.

5.     It’s easiest if you take a butter knife and slice it into pats and put it into the mixture while the hook is going. Don’t add a full stick at once, or even half a stick. Take your time, you impatient little bird.

6.     Once all the butter is in, turn up the speed and keep mixing until the dough is completely pulling off the side of the bowl and it is one big mass hanging on for dear life.

7.     Turn the speed down to low, and get that large bowl I mentioned earlier. Dust it with flour, generously. This is going to prevent the dough from sticking to the bowl as it is rising and fermenting.  Transfer the dough into the large bowl from your mixing bowl, and dust the top with a little more flour then cover loosely with saran (plastic) wrap. Stick it into the fridge and either go to bed or set a timer for 6-7 hours.

8.     You’ve made it through the hardest part, now all you have to do is cut and fry them. Dust your choice of surface to roll out the dough on and put that bitch on there. I used a French wooden rolling pin to roll mine out, but really anything works. Wine bottles make great pins, and I know damn right you got a lot of them hanging around.

9.     Roll to about ½ to ¾” thickness. If you end up going a little thicker, that’s fine, but err on that side rather than too thin. The thinner they are, the less airy they are after cooking, which ain’t cute.

10. Once rolled out, start cutting them into actual doughnuts. I just used two different sized cookie cutters, but you can pretty much do any shape you want. Just try to avoid overlapping the dough more than once.

11. Now that they’re cut, you want to dip the bottom of the doughnut in a little flour and set them on a rack in a cookie sheet (so they aren’t touching the bottom of the sheet). Brush the tops of them with a little olive oil and loosely cover the tray once its filled with saran (again, plastic) wrap.

12. Set the tray(s) aside on the countertop in your kitchen and go watch a few episodes of Parks & Rec. They only need to sit for 1-2 hours. You can do this, so close.

13. Fry time. Pick out a deep pan that is big enough to hold at least 2-3 doughnuts at a time. Fill it halfway with vegetable oil and heat up to about 375-380 degrees. You need to be very careful when heating up oil. If it gets too hot, the doughnut will burn on the outside almost instantly and stay raw on the inside. Stay focused.

14. I usually fry 2-3 doughnuts for 2 minutes on each side (or until golden brown) and they are good to go. As soon as they come out, you can coat them in sugar, toss them in a glaze or put salt on them for all I care. They’re all yours at that point.

15. They are best warm, in my opinion, but will stay good for another day or two if you keep them in containers.

16. Go ahead, dance around. Do it. Congrats!