Meet my Holiday Meat *platter*

There is literally no cooking involved in this one. All you need are the ingredients, a knife, and something to put all this shit on. I have a lot of faith in you, so get to it and put this baby out for your NYE party you aren’t going to remember.


3 ½ pounds of thinly sliced Prosciutto Di Parma

1 pound of spicy Italian pepperoni (I used those logs you can buy from the delicatessen’s pre wrapped), sliced thinly on a bias

1 pound of Italian black pepper salami, sliced thinly on a bias

2 pounds small cherry tomatoes

3 pounds fresh mozzarella balls (small)

1 large bunch of fresh, not bruised, basil leaves

2 ripened cantaloupes, balled

1 bunch of fresh mint, chopped

1 bottle of balsamic glaze (make sure it says glaze and not vinegar – otherwise, there’s a lot more work ahead of you)


1.     This is an easy, but somewhat time extensive recipe. So the first thing you want to do is prep everything you will need for the skewers.

2.     Use a melon baller, a small one, and ball both cantaloupes and store them in a bowl until you’re ready to use them.

3.     Take about ¼ or about a pound of the prosciutto and tear or cut it into smaller pieces that you can scrunch up and put onto the skewer as well. That’s it for the melon & prosciutto skewers. Just stick on a melon ball, a piece of prosciutto, and another melon ball. Plate up leaving space and attention to where everything else is going to go.

4.     On to the caprese skewers. My favorite ones. The only prep you have to do is slice your mozzarella balls in half. At that point its really just sticking on a tomato, a piece of basil (I rolled my leaves) and top it with half a mozzarella ball.

5.     Arrange your platter, however you like really, but I’m assuming you clicked on this link because of the picture. So, its really just like a color by number if you follow the picture.

6.     Top the melon skewers with freshly chopped mint and the caprese ones with balsamic glaze, and a good amount of it.

7.     Enjoy, you holiday hoes!

Now all this depends on what size platter you want, but I’m giving you the amounts I used for this platter, which fed about 15 people comfortably