Noodles & Toppings:

1 package rice noodles

¼ pound octopus tentacle

4-5 mini sweet bell peppers (make sure you get bell peppers, not habaneros, those will blow you out)

1 small can of water chestnuts

1 bunch cilantro

1-2 small ripe limes

1 small container dry roasted peanuts


Da Sauce:

½ cup bone broth

3 tbsp. creamy peanut butter

3 tbsp. brown sugar (dark or light is fine really, I’m not here to discriminate)

1 tsp. rice wine vinegar

1 tsp. fresh lime juice

1 tsp. fresh lime zest

1 tbsp. sriracha

Red Pepper flakes, to taste



1.     Alright, look, were slowly getting more and more intense with these recipes, but don’t freak out, I wouldn’t put you through something you couldn’t do. I’m dedicating all of step one to just getting you right; so, go get right before anything starts.

2.     First, lets assemble the sauce. All you need to do is put all the ingredients for ‘Da Sauce’ into a bowl and whisk that shit up, make sure its all combined.

3.     The peanut butter and brown sugar like to stick to the bottom, so make sure to get that too when your mixing.

4.     Bring a pot of water to a boil, a big enough one to fit all the rice noodles. No needs to salt the water or anything, rice noodles are simpletons.

5.     While you’re waiting for the water, slice up your octopus into slices, a little thick, I’d say about 1 inch, but I didn’t use a ruler and I have a horrible sense of measurement.

6.     Slice up all the other veggies and things (mini bell peppers, water chestnuts, limes, and cilantro). Put your rice noodles into the boiling water at this point too.

7.     Pull out a large sauté pan, and heat up some evoo, and once hot, place in your slices of octopus (season with salt and pepper) and let the babies sizzle. Flip over after about 3 minutes and make sure they have a nice brown crisp on the other side.

8.     Rice noodles should be done now, just test it like you would when you cook pasta, you want it to not be hard anymore, pretty damn simple.

9.     Drain the rice noodles off and put them into the sauté pan, along with every other ingredient you have played with thus far. That’s right, everything, The sauce, the noodles, the peanuts, the veggies, the limes, all of it. Although, if you want it to look pretty, save some of the ingredients for garnish after the fact.

10. Mix all that together, I used a spaghetti fork, but tongs or a regular fork would work too if you’re really in the weeds (financially).

11. And you’re done. Congrats, you’re officially a member of the homosexualithai club.